Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Darkest before dawn

She comes at midnight -

when the world is asleep and my heart lies in wanting. 

She promises me freedom from pain, freedom from fear: 

promises that she alone can keep 

but which my soul is too cowardly to appease.

“You are unwanted,” I reply, even as my heart beats faster and my ears strain to listen.

“You are unwanted.”

She laughs at my powerless whisper,

gently mocking my hypocrisy, but I welcome her rebuke.

The pain of festered wounds long since healed she renews,

lovingly, as though in an embrace.

I sigh beneath the agony, welcome the pain that is relief compared to so much unseen anguish.

She promises again.

I blush to admit it, but her words are enticements, silky and soft and satin. 

I hear them with longing for courage and shame at my weakness.

Until, finally,

fatigue defeats sadness,

and the world turns away.

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