Apologies, Statuses, and Invitations

First, I have to apologize for missing the General Conference live-blog. The situation surrounding my Mom-Mom's funeral were such that I really couldn't deal with blogging, facebook, or even emailing. Whenever situations with my family arise, I withdraw. Partly it is a shrinking response in an effort at self-preservation. Partly it is to rally my energy for the theater and play-acting that are required in order to interact with my extended family. If you have never been in a chronically abusive relationship, you may not understand. If you have, perhaps you will. Regardless, please forgive me for disappearing.

Second, today being National Coming Out Day, I put the following up as my Facebook status:

Today is National Coming Out Day, and I am queer. I'm coming out for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender equality because nearly 90% of LGBT youth still experience harassment in school. Too many lives have been lost. Stop the hate and fear.

The status was shared with all of my internet friends, as well as my sisters, a few cousins, my close circle of friends from high school, and a few ward friends. So far, only my friends from the internet have commented. I have no way of even knowing if anyone else that I know in real life saw it. I guess we'll see.

I am not sure what prompted me to go through with it, and to out myself. I think it was partly instigated by the number of gay suicides this past month. Part of it was Boyd Packer's talk (shudder) and my desire to embrace who I am, and not to shrink from it. Part of it was a desire for authenticity.

I struggled deciding how to "label" myself. I can't count myself as a "straight ally," because I am not straight. Yes, I pass as straight. At times I actually regret that, because it makes me feel like a sell-out. But, the fact is that I love my husband AND I love women. To my best reckoning of it, I am something like a Kinsey 5. As my husband told me today,

I am one man away from being fully lesbian.

So, not straight. But even with the Kinsey 5, I can't call myself lesbian either because I do feel content in my marriage. I don't really see myself as bisexual, since that typically assumes a Kinsey 3. I have also heard it described as someone who truly craves the intimacy of both men and women simultaneously, and that really isn't me. So, I went with "queer".

Along that same line, I would like to extend an invitation to anyone who would like to add me on Facebook. My page can be found here. I know a lot of you already on FB, and in an effort to decompartmentalize my life somewhat more, I would like to know more of you.

Oh, and my first name is Kate.