Parenting and Educating

I've done attachment parenting (AP) with my son since he was born 3.5 years ago. Some of it has worked great, others of it hasn't really worked for our family, but we have adapted and rolled with the punches. My pregnancy was relatively normal, labor and delivery was very rough on both of us, and my little guy ended up spending about a week in the NICU right after he was born. However, he was a fabulous breastfeeder. I breastfed him until he was 2 years old. I was also a proud public breastfeeding mama, and I totally rocked the Ergo. He still co-sleeps with us, and I think thats totally awesome.

A few weeks ago while I was at Sunstone, a friend had her newborn with her and she was nursing him. A found myself more than once having the tingly breastfeeding "let down" response when her baby would cry. It was strange to experience those physical responses 18 months after weaning, and it made me a little nostalgic for nursing a little one.

When we were at the catholic retreat last week, there were two other families there who also had done AP. Both families were now homeschooling there children, and I felt like I got a lot of pressure to homeschool as well.

Now, this is something I have considered in the past, but not for the reasons that these other parents would think. For most of them, it was a far-right wing "I want my child to be taught about God! Government is evil!" sort of reason for homeschooling. These are the parents teaching their kids that scientists are the devil. Me, I just think it sucks to have to sit still in your seat for 8 hours every day, and I can't imagine my kid would like it either. I also felt bored senseless in my classes, and skipped class whenever possible while in college. Plus we travel so much as a family that it would be great to continue traveling a lot without much concern for what time of year it is - whether school is in session, etc.

The problem is, despite thinking it would be great for my son, I think I would just go psycho if I did it. Actually, I am pretty sure I would go psycho. I've had le Petite with me for 7 straight weeks now. Although not technically going insane, I do miss having him in school and will be glad when his new playschool program starts next week. I miss time to myself and I miss dedicated time to work each day. I miss being able to nap in the morning as well.

I'm not asking for advice really, just musing to myself. I used to think I would be a great eco-feminist, and that I would do wonderful as a homesteader. But I am beginning to realize that I am just so selfish and like my time to myself too much.

One bread, one body

I remember the first time that I learned about the Catholic idea of transubstantiation, the belief that the "substance" of the bread and wine of the Eucharist are turned into Christ's body and blood. I was in Catholic high school. I remember being flabbergasted that we would believe something so creepy. I recall being similarly shocked by the idea that I would be resurrected just as Christ was. I had images in my head of zombies coming out of the graves, and I thought it was morbid.

MrC and I attended a week-long Catholic retreat last week. The retreat was heavily focused on the meaning behind the Eucharist. We had a fellow at the retreat who was sharing strange stories about bread turning into flesh, with veins and muscle ("True story! The muscle is still on display in France! They should isolate Jesus' DNA!") We had another woman there whose husband was Jewish and was still offered the Eucharist, even though he wasn't Catholic. 

I've been reflecting on these things, on the meaning of the Eucharist, of partaking in Christ's essence. The words of a familiar hymn have come to mind:

One bread, one body,

one Lord of all,

one cup of blessing which we bless.

And we, though many

throughout the earth,

we are one body in this one Lord.

A new meaning for Transubstantiation materialized in my mind while reflecting on the words of this hymn.

The celebration of the Eucharist to me seems to be much less about a literal change of the bread and wine itself, as it is a "taking in" of Christ's/Deity's essence into our bodies and into our lives. By partaking of Christ's "substance," we allow divinity to enter us. We become part of his body, as we take him into ours. We become extensions of his essence in all that we do in the world. His hands to help another, his eyes to see poverty and pain, his compassion and his charity. By partaking of communion, we come into communion with Deity, we become one with our God. 

I find that I now consider the ritual of taking Deity into myself to be profoundly beautiful, regardless of the literal interpretation of it.