Friday, December 24, 2010

The Plural Wives of Joseph

(sung to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas")

On the first day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
A pair of Partridges for his family tree (They're even legal!)

On the 2nd day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Sarah and Maria Lawrence (17... its close enough!)
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 3rd day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Fanny “French-maid” Alger (I heard she had a bun in the oven),
Two Lawrence girls, (What is it with him and sisters?)
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 4th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Helen Mar Kimball (She’s 14!),
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
Two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 5th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
33 gold rings! (Hope that treasure-seeking job pays well!)
Helen Mar Kimball,
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
Two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 6th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Lucinda Morgan Harris (Her late hubby was a Master Mason!)
33 gold rings!
Helen Mar Kimball,
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
Two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 7th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Seven under majority (Including four 16 and younger!),
Lucinda Morgan Harris,
33 gold rings!
Helen Mar Kimball,
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
Two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 8th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Twenty-two maids for milking (The rest were maidens),
Seven under 18,
Lucinda Morgan Harris,
33 gold rings!
Helen Mar Kimball,
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 9th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took from Henry
Zina Huntington Jacobs (You're never to old to be a Young!)
Twenty-two maids for milking,
Seven under 18,
Lucinda Morgan Harris,
33 gold rings!
Helen Mar Kimball,
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
Two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 10th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Nancy Winchester (Yup, she's 14!),
Zina Huntington Jacobs (Smith Young),
Twenty-two maids for milking (I bet the maidens paid better),
Seven under 18,
Lucinda Morgan Harris,
33 gold rings!
Helen Mar Kimball,
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 11th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Eleven wives of other men (I wonder how they felt?),
Nancy Winchester,
Zina Huntington Jacobs (Smith Young),
Twenty-two maids for milking,
Seven under 18,
Lucinda Morgan Harris,
33 gold rings!
Helen Mar Kimball,
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
Two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree.

On the 12th day of Smithmas, Joseph Jr. took for free
Sixteen weddings in one year (Can you imagine? It was 27 wives in two years!),
Eleven wives of other men,
Nancy Winchester,
Zina Huntington Jacobs (Smith Young),
Twenty-two maids for milking,
Seven under 18,
Lucinda Morgan Harris,
33 gold rings!
Helen Mar Kimball,
Fanny “French maid” Alger,
Two Lawrence girls,
and a pair of Partridges for his family tree!

(But don’t worry… he didn’t have sex with any of them :snort:)


Yes, I wrote this... and I'm here all week. LOL

7 comments:

Ned said...

see, Bloggers We Have On Wi-Fi, was just the beginning. Congrats on a great parody. You should sing, illustrate and put on YouTube.

Speaking of which, check this out. I just posted it this morning. My first Moho vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd0dUSTk6NE

Ned said...

You should do a Sapphic version of the Garland classic. Does that stir up some images for you?

Donna Banta said...

Love it! I was trying to come up with a smithmas tune and failed. Yours is a soon to be classic.

Ned said...

God rest ye, married gentlemen
Let wife-theft not dismay you
Forget not I’m the prophet
And I never will mislead you

What may be hard for you to bare
Is for my libido's welfare
Oh forgive me for stealing your wife
And causing strife
Oh forgive me for stealing your wife.

James said...

So I think you and Ned need to get together and write a whole album. ;)

Ned said...

(verse two)

I know your love for her was hot
I know she loved you too
But when God tells me not to stop
I have to act and do

Don't worry you'll be blessed for this
In heaven up above
It's not lust, it's just lots of sex and love
Thank God above
It's just love not lust and lots of sex and love

The Zimmermans said...

Hello Madame Curie,

I've seen your blog before. My wife and I also married as Mormons, although I'm atheist now. I'd like to visit with you over the phone or Skype.

I am a graduate student of family studies at Iowa State University. I am doing my dissertation research on commitment in mixed-orientation relationships (gay or bisexual man partnered with a woman). Earlier research has reported that there are approximately two million mixed-orientation marriages in the U.S. and that 15% of these marriages continue past 3 years.

Participants qualify IF:

• The male identifies as anything but heterosexual, including homosexual, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, and so on.
• The non-heterosexuality of the male has been acknowledged between the couple for at least two years.
• The couple is in a committed intimate relationship, legally recognized or not.
• Both partners are willing to be interviewed.

The female partner may be of any sexual orientation. The couple need not be in a sexually monogamous relationship, but they should identify each other as their primary partner.

I plan to interview each partner individually at least once, and the couple together at least once, by phone or Skype. Interviews will last approximately 60 minutes. Participant identity will be kept confidential.

Those interested in participating in the study can contact me by email at kevinz@iastate.edu or by phone at 515-441-9397.

Thank you for your time!

Kevin Zimmerman
Graduate Student
Department of Human Development & Family Studies
Iowa State University